53 Integrity with myself?
Hey, this is Anne with your Coaching on the Go. This is a week about integrity. Integrity, it seems like something that shouldn’t be that elusive. And I think when we’re young and we’re in alignment with ourselves and we haven’t started doing things to keep other people happy, we’re in complete integrity with our word and our actions, our thoughts and our energy. Everything is aligned. That’s pure authenticity, when you have integrity across the board.
So what happens over time? All sorts of things happen where we have experiences, we go to protect ourselves, we make stories, we create paradigms. We create, by the time we’re seven years old, the structures that will guide us for the rest of our life, unless we’re willing to go back in, like we’re doing, and take a look around in there and see if those paradigms and stories are creating and working for us, they’re creating a life we want and they’re working for us, they’re successful beliefs and belief systems.
So why would we lie to ourselves? Well, we get sloppy. How many of you have started a diet, and the next day or even the same day you started it, you’re already breaking your word to yourself about what you are going to be doing? How often do you tell someone you’ll be at a place at a certain time and you have no intention of being there, and you have a story around it? It’s okay.
Have you ever heard that phrase, how you do anything is how you do everything? Well, here’s another phrase that kind of matches with it or works with it – 90% is hard, 100% is easy. When you get used to keeping your word all the time, when your word actually means something, it’s much easier to live life like that. Or you just don’t say it unless you mean it. You don’t promise it unless you’re going to follow through on it. And then when you do proclaim things, your being, your internal being takes you seriously. Remember how it felt to have somebody break their word to you, especially something you really looked forward to engaging in, and then you found out it wasn’t going to happen? When you’re little, it was devastating, and it’s still somewhat devastating as an adult. When you expect something someone has told you and you anticipate it, you really start enjoying it before it even comes. And then you find out it’s not coming, you feel kind of like something’s been stolen. There’s a breach of trust that’s going on. If you do that around people often enough, your word means nothing and you have no integrity with these people. No trust is there.
So the first person that you get to work on that integrity with is yourself. A lot of us find it difficult because we have different categories for how we behave. So you might take time seriously when it’s for work, but you might not take it seriously when it’s for a friend. You might take seriously how you’re acting or behaving in a certain venue, and then not take it seriously in another. You may promise yourself you’re going to eat better and you’re not going to have any sugar for the week, and before the day is out, you find yourself grabbing sugar, grabbing a candy bar, grabbing a snack. When that’s happening to you, you’ve got some internal stuff that’s kittywampus, or it’s askew. So, start noticing this week. This week is about integrity, so start looking at the little and big things that you told yourself you would do, or other people, and you’re not doing, and then really pay attention when you actually just almost proclaimed it, and you are already going against it. That’s an integrity issue. And when you sew that up with yourself, it clarifies everything in your universe.
So our Coaching on the Go for today’s assignment is to pay attention for the next two days, or more, or a week, but at least two, on the commitments that you’re making throughout the day to yourself, and the commitments that you’re not following through on, that you’re breaking. Commitments you’re making with other people that you’re not following through on. Now, this could feel like self beat up, but it’s not. It is an opportunity for us to see ourselves. I’ve done this many times. It’s a very productive activity. You get to start seeing what your word means and what keeping your word means. And if you start it at ground zero, which is you, it’s going to start affecting everything. So for today, you’re just noticing what you set out to do or have already set out to do, that you’re getting to do today or you’re supposed to be, and that you’re not following through on. Keep a list. Let’s see how big your list gets during the day. Let’s go for the biggest list possible with honesty. If you can do some deep work here, it will cause some major shifting for you, so don’t be cowardly about this. Be honest with yourself.